She escapes so that she can DANCE!
I'm too sexy for my Xenu! (Photo: Examiner.com)
For some time, we all wondered whether Katie Holmes was going to be let out of the house. Sure, the bright lights of the paparazzi would occasionally catch a glimpse of her, but it’s possible that Tom was simply allowing her out to keep the rumors quiet. Or to obtain quick cash from cheap loans, because the “Top Gun” spinoff where Cruise and Kelly McGillis start a family together is no longer viable. McGillis coming out of the closet and all…
At least that’s what comedians imagine
What is it that Scientologists do out in the Southern California desert near Hemet? That’s where Gold Base is, which is the informal name for their headquarters. As some scream at objects in their attempts to levitate them with the power of the mind, it seems that Katie was working on something else when Suri was napping and Tom was off doing the Cruisey things Tommy does (like discovering the TRUE history of psychiatry).
She was dancing!
Olivia Smith reports for the New York Daily News that Katie was ready to do the electric boogaloo. Wait, I take that back… I’m embellishing so my head doesn’t slump over onto my keyboard. Now, Katie Holmes “So You Think You Can Dance” Video is all over the place. The question is, can she?
Well, that all depends upon what your definition of dancing happens to be, Smith asserts. In her estimation, she can “strut around the stage and strike a few poses.” She did it with some moxie, in fact, which may be quite and accomplishment for a mostly untrained dancer or singer. Dawson would have been proud.
A 100th episode treat
Does anyone really care that “So You Think You Can Dance” has reached its 100th episode? Aside from the show’s stars and producers, I hope not. Celebrating something like that birthday-style should be punishable by being placed in stocks and being sprayed in the face with silly string.
But there was Katie Holmes anyway. Her routine was a tribute to the late, great Judy Garland. Holmes’ charity was the Dizzy Feet Foundation, which helps promising young dancers obtain educational scholarships to hone their craft. Speaking of dizzy, Katie had the stockings going on and tried to be pouty and sassy in the most Joey Potter way possible. Perhaps at Tom Cruise’s direction, the cameras zoomed in so often that viewers began to wonder if Scientology has given Katie Holmes the power to become interesting. Perhaps the mind powers they perfect in the desert CAN do wondrous things.
Katie didn’t perform live
At least not when the episode of “So You Think You Can Dance” was recorded. Her publicist says she was in Australia filming the movie “Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark.” So in actuality, perhaps Holmes was still incarcerated. If only she could find one of Xenu’s leftover hydrogen bombs, she could blow down the door to her Cruise-jail.
Of course there would be casualties. I’m not saying we wouldn’t get our hair mussed.
“Get Happy!”
Clearly, the Yankees should be ashamed. (Photo: cs.cmu.edu)
Perhaps there was worry that the performance would go over like a lead balloon. However, Smith claims that it came off much better than that. She performed a rendition of Garland’s “Get Happy” from the musical “Summer Stock.” There may have been some lip syncing going on, but I don’t expect perfection from a Katie Holmes performance. I just expect her to be the best Katie she can be. As a group of men lifted her high above their heads, I knew that somewhere, Tom was couch dancing.
It was an enjoyable performance, if not spectacular. Considering that she isn’t a professional in the song and dance field and she was putting herself on the line for charity, I can find plenty of good in what transpired. After the tape of her performance played for the “So You Think You Can Dance” audience, Judy Garland’s son Joey Luft smiled. Smith calls it a polite smile, but it was a smile, nonetheless.
No business like this business
For the moment, I was interested in what happened on “So You Think You Can Dance.” Now, my interest has waned. So before I lapse in a comatose sleep, I will remind you that if you need quick cash from cheap loans, you’re in the right place.
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